A Little Baby-Care Perspective

As a new mom, you will get nothing done. Whole days will go by and you won't remember what you did except feed the baby, change the baby's diapers, get the baby to sleep. Doing "nothing" takes a lot of time. But you've done more by not doing anything than you did in entire days at the office. And it's way more important than anything you've ever done at work. Remember that --- it's easy to forget. - - Amy Einhorn in her book, The Fourth Trimester, And You Thought Labor Was Hard . . . (Crown Publishers, 2001).

I love this quote. I think it sums up how all moms feel, and gives them the confidence they need to feel good about their new role as a mom. It is not easy to transtion from career woman to mom. In fact, it can be down right traumatic.

After sending this quote out to some fellow Mommies, several moms sent me some noteable comments in return. The most authentic response came from a dear friend, who thanked me for the reminder and asked me if she could still be considered a "new mom". Her children are 1 and 3 years old.

At first I laughed, with her, because I feel the same way sometimes. Even though I have been a Mama for almost three years, my days still tend to embody this honest and realistic quote. I emailed her back and told her yes, she is still a new mom - but even more so this quote should encompass moms as a whole.

Sometimes we get so caught up in doing all the so called right things; playgroups, gymnastics, art classes etc. that we forget that the most important thing we do as moms is "nothing". Enjoy this time because before you know it those precious babies will be doing everything without you!

Toilet Learning Part Two

If you have made the commitment to work with your child on a daily basis so that they can master their toilet learning skills, the next thing you are probably thinking is, “How do I actually go about potty training?” Good question! Both of you are showing “signs” of readiness. Here’s what’s next:

To Prepare:

Introduce the Concept:
•Allow your child to be present when you go to the bathroom; let them see urine and bowel movements in the toilet.
•Allow your child to observe, touch and become familiar with the toilet.
•Let your child play with flushing the toilet.
•Read books about potty time. (See below for recommendations.)

Encourage Independence:
•Buy an attachment for your bathroom's light switch so that your child can turn the light on and off without help.
•Support your child as they learn to undress and dress themselves when using the bathroom and throughout your normal daily activities.
•Encourage good hygiene and teach your child how to wipe themselves. (This is a higher level skill that will need supervision for a few years.)
•Buy a step-up stool for reaching the toilet and sink for hand washing.

Other helpful tips:
•Consider placing a potty chair or seat on each floor of the house if you live in a multilevel home. •Make the bathroom a fun place. Add special toilet only books and games to your routine.
•Stay with your child when he or she is on the potty chair. Reading or talking to your child when he or she is sitting on the potty may help your child relax.
•If you are training a boy, teach him how to stand and aim into the toilet. Some boys have been so impressed with this technique that they almost automatically potty train.
•If your child does not seem interested or resists- STOP!! Try again in a few weeks.


How do I teach my child to use the toilet?

First, be patient and supportive. After your child has become comfortable with the bathroom, with flushing the toilet, and with sitting on the toilet, you may begin teaching your child to go to the bathroom. Keep your child in loose, easily removable pants. Tell your child that when they need to go potty they need to tell you. Teach them the words or sign you want them to use. Place your child on the toilet whenever he or she signals the need to go to the bathroom.

At first you must be aware of your child’s nonverbal signs. Your child's facial expression may change when he or she feels the need to urinate or to have a bowel movement. Most children have a bowel movement once a day, usually within an hour after eating. Most children urinate within 15 minutes of waking and an hour after having a large drink.

If you and your child are ready truly ready, now is the time to start potty training. Once you truly start though, you can not go back. Tell your child that diapers are for babies and that he or she is not a baby anymore. Go to the store and let your child pick out new “big kid” underwear. When you get home symbolically let him throw away a few of his old diapers and help him put on his underwear. There is no going back. From now on your child will wear underwear.

I know what you are thinking, and yes the first few days are going to be hellish! You will clean up a lot of pee and do a lot of laundry. But this is the most effective way to teach your child how to eliminate in the appropriate place. Do not limit your child’s fluids, except an hour or two before sleeping. Your child will need to experience the feeling of the pee a few or several times in order to understand the cause and effect of his body. You feel pressure, you let the urine out and it gets all over you unless you get to the potty in time. If your child has an accident do not quickly rush them to the potty. You want to teach them to go before, not after the have had an accident. Do not change them into dry clothes right away either. They need to experience the uncomfortable wetness that happens when you wet yourself.

This is a learning process that may take several days. The first few you should probably stay home, but I encourage you to go on small outing so your child can feel what it feels like to have underwear on. For example, the car seat straps will need adjusting, and how to pee in a public restroom. These will all be new experiences for you and your child.

Things to avoid:
•Do not punish your child when he or she has an accident.
•Do not constantly remind or ask your child to use the potty. This may create undue pressure, and typically is met with resistance from the child. (Note: This is also not toilet learning, this is getting your child to sit on the potty every five minutes and hopefully catching a pee before they go in their pants!)
•Don't make your child sit on the toilet against her will.

Finally, if your child is not toilet trained within 3 months, consult your family doctor to rule out any medical issues. The reason that your child has most likely not learned to use the potty is that he or she is simply just not ready. Do not get discouraged. Soon enough diapers will be a thing of the past and you’ll be wishing it didn’t all go by so fast. Cherish these times with all of your heart, even if they do stink!

Recommended Potty Time Books
•“You Can Go to the Potty” by William Sears, M.D., Martha Sears, R.N.
and Renee Andriani (Illustrator)
•“Everyone Poops” Written and illustrated by Taro Gomi
•“Too Big for Diapers” Sesame Street Series
•“First Experiences: It's Potty Time” by Holtzbrinck Publishers

Toilet Learning Part One

If you have a toddler, you have most likely been asked the standard question, “Is she potty trained yet?” Even more likely is that your answer is no! Ultimately toilet learning will not be achieved unless your child is ready. This usually occurs when a child is 18 to 24 months of age. However, it is not uncommon for a child to still be in diapers at 2 and a half to 3 years of age.

Most kids don't start potty training until they're at least 2 years old. In fact, recent statistics show that at least a third of all American children are still in diapers after their 3rd birthday. Developmentally, kids are all over the map: Some kids are ready and eager to start as early as 18 months, while others show zero interest until they're three or four years old.

More important than your child's age are a number of other factors: Can he stay dry for at least three hours during the day? Is he able to understand and follow simple directions? Does he seem interested in "big-kid" activities, such as brushing his teeth, cleaning up his toys, and using the toilet? If so, he may be ready.

Other important signs of your child’s readiness include:
•being able to follow simple instructions
•understands words about the toileting process
•can regulate the muscles responsible for elimination
•can signal that their diaper is wet or soiled
•expresses a need to go (verbally or through sign)
•keeps a diaper dry for three or more hours
•can get to the potty on her own
•can take off diapers or pull down underpants with minimal assistance
•wakes up dry from naps and or in the morning

Your toddler may be showing all the signs of readiness, but did you know that you also have to be completely ready for the toilet learning process? You truly need to have the energy, patience, and time. After initial preparation and to officially begin this process, you will need to devote an intensive three to five days to your child and his toilet learning. Then, after the initial learning phase, another two to three months of continued effort on your part will be required.

We all know parenting is not easy. Getting through this developmental milestone is one great example of just how hard it is! An experienced mother of four once told me, “Being toilet trained is such an overrated accomplishment. Diapers are so easy in comparison to cleaning up after accidents, reminding them to go, and using public rest rooms! Yuck!”

If you have made the commitment to work with your child on a daily basis so that they can master their toilet learning skills, the next thing you are probably thinking is, “How do I actually go about potty training?” Stay tuned for what to do next . . .

Night Time Potty Training – Just go with the flow!

So your child has successfully mastered using the bathroom and staying dry during the day. Congratulations to you both! But what about at night? Nighttime potty training is hot topic for parents of children of all ages. Bed-wetting is more common than you would expect, and can actually be prevalent until the onset of puberty. In fact, in the U.S., about 5 to 7 million children aged 6 years or older suffer from primary nocturnal enuresis also called nighttime bed-wetting or the involuntary loss of urine at night when they could reasonably be expected to stay dry. If a child wets the bed after age 5 or 6, there is an 85% chance he or she will still do it a year later, based on statistics from the National Kidney Foundation (NKF).

Alan Greene, MD, an assistant clinical professor of pediatrics at Stanford University in Stanford, California explains, "Bed-wetting is very common in younger kids, in fact, it is so common that it is even considered normal before age 5. Nighttime dryness is the last part of toilet learning that kids achieve. At ages 6 and below, bed-wetting only needs to be addressed if the child is feeling really bad about himself as a result, he says. Unless there is some other medical or emotional issue, the rule of thumb is that bedwetting should not be considered a problem until a child is at least six or seven years old.

Young children sleep very deeply and this makes it difficult for them to wake up to use the bathroom. Young children are still developing the control of their bladder, which is a major developmental milestone that can take many years to master. Keep in mind that bedwetting is also hereditary. If you or your husband were chronic bed-wetters or “late bloomers” in this area, chances are your child will be too.

Helpful hints to guide your children toward success:

• Limit you child’s intake of liquids two to three hours before bedtime.
• Wake him or her and encourage them to use the bathroom before you go to bed.
• Encourage your child to use a potty that you have placed in their room. This may make it easier for your child to use the bathroom because they will not have to leave their room, walk down the hall, and turn on a bright light. You can set up a potty in their room, and call it a “nighttime potty”.
• Get up before your child in the morning. At the first sign of wakefulness, get them up and have them use the bathroom. Studies show that children urinate within 15 minutes of stirring from a sleep.
• To make life easier on you, I encourage the use of what we have named “night time underwear”, or pull-ups.

Remember to be patient and positive. Your child can not control this behavior and will be more successful with your casual manner about the issue. This too shall pass but for now - just go with the flow!

Colleen Newman, CHBE, is a Mom, author, and the owner of My Baby and More Parent Coaching and Educational Services. She has her degree in Early Childhood Education and Psychology. With several years of teaching experience; working with infants through adults, she has a passion for helping each child and parent live happy, healthy, and secure. Colleen also loves spending time with her best friend and husband, John, and raising her 2 year old son and infant daughter. © Copyright 2005 My Baby and More All Rights Reserved.

Positive Parenting

One of My Baby and More's goals is to provide children with a safe, warm, and loving environment in which they can grow and learn to their full potential. To achieve this goal we feel we must provide parents with the necessary tools needed to foster this nurturing environment. Parenting skills are just that - skills. We are not born knowing how to take "good" care of our children. It is a skill that is developed over time.

My Baby and More is proud to offer a variety of ways that parents can brush up on their parenting skills. Our most popular way is participating in our Positive Parenting Workshop. This workshop provides an outlet for parents to learn the skills needed to respond to the daily challenges or parenting, while talking with other parents about the issues that they are trying to learn from. Many parents find comfort in knowing that they are not the only ones whose children melt down in the candy isle, hit their brother, or make them feel emotions they have never felt, before having children.

There is an amazing strength in being Positive. Positive Parenting can make a huge difference in the quality of your family's lives. After consultations, classes, and seminars, our clients are ready to try things a little differently. Many parents ask me what books I recommend to further advance their knowledge and skills. Here are a few of my favorites:

Playful Parenting By Lawrence J. Cohen

Perfect Parenting: The Dictionary of 1000 Parenting Tips
By Elizabeth Pantley, William Sears

The Discipline Book: How to Have a Better-Behaved Child From Birth to Age Ten
By Martha Sears, William Sears

Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline By Becky A. Bailey, Ph. D.

Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic By Mary Sheedy Kurcinka

The Happiest Toddler on the Block: The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One- to Four-Year-Old By Harvey Karp, Paula Spencer

The Power of Positive Parenting: A Wonderful Way to Raise Children By Glenn I. Latham

My Baby and More

Welcome to the My Baby and More Blog. We will discuss a variety of parenting topics including discipline issues, temper tantrums, breastfeeding support, babywearing, and many other issues that parents just like you, are working through on a daily basis. Please feel free to email me at Colleen@MyBabyandMore.com, or reply in the comments section, if you have a question or an idea that you would like to see addressed here.


~Special Notice~
"Near Mama's Heart", a children's book about breastfeeding, written by Colleen Newman is scheduled for release in the Spring of 2006. Pre-order your copy NOW for a Special Limited Time Only Price of $12.99!! This is over 20% off the regular retail price. For more information and to purchase Near Mama's Heart go to: http://www.mybabyandmore.com/PreorderNMH.html

About the Book
After searching for a realistic children’s book about breastfeeding to share with her son, and soon to be big brother, and to help him understand breastfeeding, Colleen Newman was inspired to write “Near Mama's Heart”.

“Near Mama’s Heart”, a gentle and loving book with real pictures of nursing babies and their families, describes the experience of being breastfed from a child’s perspective.

This book will warm the heart of readers of all ages and help children understand the beauty and importance of breastfeeding.

"An absolutely wonderful children's book about mamas, babies, and breastfeeding. My little nursling wanted to read it again and again!" -Kelly Bonyata, BS, IBCLC, RLC, www.kellymom.com